Dark And Heero For the Insane
by Jazmin Falconn
Summary: INSANE! Fair warning right here. Dark and Heero totally ooc, with regular girlfriends that are more than slightly deserving of being in a nuthouse! Not for those with low metabolism: you will most likely die of laughter if you have a weak heart.
1. Chapter 1: Insanity at Home

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark or Heero, even though I wish I did.....  
  
Okay, the intro, i'll try not to make it long. This has nothing to do with anything, and has no point it's simply for people to laugh until they nearly die. Fun, huh? just so you know, Dark and Heero aren't supposed to be in character, so don't tell me they're not, i already know!!! This is co-written by Ainohikari (she's Teeth, I'm Talon), and this is only my second fanfic, so pleeeeez r&r!!! i wanna know whatcha think. Constructive criticism ONLY pleez. it doesn't help me if u just say the story sucks. tell me y, and if u don't have a good reason why then don't say nuttin at all!!! that's all i gotta say, so enjoy!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A loud explosion disturbed the morning quiet of Goosedown Apartments. In Apartment B22, three people were working to stem the fire coming from their stove.  
  
A man came from another room, still in his boxers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His long purple hair was tousled, and his amethyst eyes were still bleary.  
  
Dark Mousy snatched his girlfriend as she ran past him. "Talon, what's going on?"  
  
Talon looked at him and sighed. "Teeth blew up the stove."  
  
"What, again?" She nodded. "Where's the fire extinguisher?"  
  
"It's empty. We're going to have to lock her out of the kitchen from now on! This is the tenth time!"  
  
Dark let her go and she ran on. He entered the living room to find Teeth bawling her eyes out, creating tear smudges in the soot on her face, and Heero Yuy was comforting her.  
  
"I was just trying to make some eggs!" she cried when Dark appeared.  
  
"We know, Teeth. We know," her boyfriend said, in a way that suggested he'd been saying it for a while. Surprisingly, Heero had his guns with him, which lead Dark to believe that he slept with them in the same place. Wow, how uncomfortable for Teeth.  
  
Dark smiled in a mischievous way. "Hey, Teeth. You should catch those tears of yours. We could use them to quench the fire."  
  
This had a very satisfactory response: Teeth cried harder, and Heero glared at Dark.  
  
"Go make yourself useful for once, Thief. Bat the flames out with your wings," Heero sneered.  
  
"Phantom Thief, thank you very much. Why don't you use your wonderful guns, and shoot the flames. I'm sure that'll help."  
  
Heero was about to get up and show Dark exactly how wonderful his guns were, when Talon dashed though the room and dragged Dark and Heero into the kitchen with her. "Come on, boys. More hot air in this place isn't going to help. Go get water and put out the fire." She dashed back out, most likely to call the fire department, and left the two men alone in the burning kitchen.  
  
Upon her return they both had buckets in their hands, and they were both soaked. They were fighting each other, instead of the fire.  
  
Talon raged for a while, and the two men tried to cower, but they had their backs to the flames, so were caught between two raging infernos.  
  
Meanwhile, the flames got higher, and the entire couch was soaked from Teeth's tears.  
  
Dark, very aware of the fire due to having no shirt on, strove to gain Talon's attention.  
  
"TALON!!!" She was so startled that she shut up. "Do you think we should fight the fire, or watch you fan the flames with your breath?"  
  
Talon glared, but picked up a bucket and they all returned to fighting the fire, with only a small interruption when Talon kicked Dark in the shin for his comment.  
  
The firefighters arrived a short time later.  
  
With the kitchen once again restored to normal, if a little burnt, all three went to collapse on the coach, only to jump back up.  
  
Dark, his boxers slightly singed, was still damp from his fight with Heero, and this made him mad.  
  
"Why is the couch soaked?" he asked in a deadly quiet voice.  
  
The only sound was Teeth crying.  
  
Dark flicked a hand and a knife appeared. Before he could move an inch a click sound, and Dark looked at Heero to see a pistol aimed at his head.  
  
Dark and Heero were both frozen until Talon took the knife from Dark's hand. "Children, let's just go to opposite sides of the house, and calm down. I'm sure we'll all feel better after we think this over." She led Dark into the bedroom, while Heero attempted to stem the flow of tears coming from his girlfriend.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Three hours later, the boys were pacing in the living room while the girls were in the bathroom getting ready.  
  
"Why do they always do their makeup and hair in the same bathroom? We have two," Heero said for the fifth time.  
  
Dark shrugged. "It shall forever be a mystery. That, and how Teeth can blow up the stove while making eggs. How does she do it?"  
  
"I don't know. She can blow up things better than me, and she does it by accident." Heero glanced worriedly at the bathroom. "They've been in there for two and-a half hours. Think they're all right?"  
  
"I'm not sure, but I do know that if we check on them we'll be set upon by steel tip boots, and armor gauntlets. By the way, how did Teeth get those?"  
  
Heero shrugged. "She had them before we got together. Ask Talon."  
  
The women emerged an hour later, and after telling the boys off for not dragging the sodden couch out to dry, they all piled into the car.  
  
Teeth attempted to make it into the back, but was seized by Talon.  
  
"You are not going to have a Make Out Fest without me. Now get in the front."  
  
Teeth started to protest but Talon's steel tip booted foot tapped impatiently, and she decided against it.  
  
Their boyfriends both began complaining at the same time.  
  
"I am not going to share a seat with Fly Boy over there--"  
  
"If you think I'm going to sit near that Gun Maniac--"  
  
Their mouths snapped shut at a look from Talon, and they hurriedly got into the car.  
  
Everyone was silent, blessedly silent, for a few moments.  
  
"Could you cut that out?" Heero asked irritably as Dark fiddled with one of his knives.  
  
"Make me," Dark returned absently.  
  
"I will."  
  
"Go ahead.  
  
Heero snatched the knife. "Problem solved."  
  
Dark smiled at him, produced another dagger, and proceeded to fiddle with it. "Solution absorbed."  
  
Heero then began to take Dark's knives, one by one as he took them out, and then Dark came to his last one. As Heero took it a full out fight began in the back seat, with all of Dark's knives safely tucked in a pocket on the door.  
  
"Dark! Heero! That's enough!" They looked up from the tangle of limbs that they had created, and looked at Talon. She focused on Dark in the mirror. A sweet smile lit her features, and Dark began to moan as he disentangled himself from Heero.  
  
"Darkie...Darkie...."  
  
"Don't call me 'Darkie' in front of him." He jerked his head in the general direction of a Heero that was cracking up, occasionally gasping something along the lines of 'Darkie, that's great.'  
  
"You know what you have to do."  
  
"I don't have to do anything."  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
"Fine." With that Dark suddenly became Daisuke, and everyone relaxed until he spoke.  
  
"Heero, Dark said he wants his knives back or he'll take your guns for a substitute."  
  
Grudgingly, Heero handed them over, and Dai-chan put them in their respective places so quickly that no one knew where they went.  
  
They arrived at the mall, and the boys groaned while getting out.  
  
"You didn't say we were going to the mall," Dai-chan complained. "Can I turn back into Dark? He's stronger than me."  
  
"You can turn into Dark later," Teeth responded. "I don't want those two to fight in a public place."  
  
Dai-chan grumped, and mumbled, but didn't dare say anything out loud. Heero pulled his coat closed over his guns, because despite being in America they didn't look kindly on bringing killer weapons into a mall anymore. Talon and Teeth dragged them around the entire mall several times, stopping at nearly every store, and around four hours later they stopped at the food court, Daisuke and Heero panting under the weight of all the packages they carried.  
  
Talon got a sandwich and Teeth got pizza while the boys collapsed into chairs and tried to get their breath back. When the girls got back, Daisuke complained so piteously that Talon was merciful and allowed him to change into Dark.  
  
"Wow, what a lot of bags." A fully rested, and sarcastic Dark emerged from the exhausted Dai-chan, and immediately noticed Heero panting and covered in sweat. "Have fun toting the bags all over the mall?"  
  
"I wouldn't talk, Darkie," Heero panted, a sudden smile appearing on his face. "You get to carry your share in a moment." He laughed at Dark, who had grown pale at the sound of his pet name.  
  
Dark collapsed into a chair, pallid and furious that he could be taunted and not come up with a response.  
  
"You deserved that, Dark," came Daisuke's voice inside Dark's head.  
  
"I didn't ask your opinion, baka."  
  
"That doesn't matter. You never ask me."  
  
Once again Dark could find no response for this, because he often tormented Daisuke in a place he couldn't escape: his mind. This made him even angrier, and he was about to pull off his black overcoat and let With fly him away, but Talon was onto him, and grabbed his shoulder in a vice grip.  
  
"Going somewhere are we?"  
  
He looked up fearfully, hoping she wouldn't kick him in the right shin, the bruise from that morning hurt horribly. "What ever gave you that idea?"  
  
She released his shoulder, and he didn't need to look to know there were red marks where her fingers where. "Nothing."  
  
Dark almost gave a sigh of relief, but noticed Heero watching him, and instead just glared back.  
  
"Okay! We're ready to go!" Teeth's cheerful call broke the Heero Yuy Stare, and they both groaned in exactly the same way. Their anger forgotten, they exchanged helpless glances, and picked up the numerous bags of the shop a holic duo.  
  
Through their combined suffering, and help from With, they managed to get all the bags, even more than before because the girls both saw a few things they 'haaaaaaaad to get,' out to the car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The boys took showers as the girls tried on, yet again, all the clothes they had bought, finding every possible outfit, and then some.  
  
Dark and Heero came from their showers still in towels. Heero simply left to go change, but Dark approached Talon. "As I recall, no one has done the laundry for days, is that correct?" he asked.  
  
"That's right," Talon replied with a grin.  
  
"So, where did all my clothes go?"  
  
"I'm not sure, did you lock the door when you left?"  
  
"Only my clothes are missing, Heero still has his."  
  
"Well, how about improvising? Unless you want me to help you find them."  
  
"How do I do that?"  
  
All she did was smile, and Dark instantly understood.  
  
I don't think you want to know more about that, other than the fact that Make Out Fest 2003 ensued from that conversation. Heero and Teeth followed suit not long after that.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" Dark's voice rang out the next morning.  
  
"Oh, I would dare. I delight in daring." Heero had a triumphant smile on his face that was met with Dark's flat dangerous stare.  
  
"Dark, don't do anything drastic," Talon pleaded from a safe place behind the couch.  
  
"That goes for you as well, Heero." Teeth was crouched right next to Talon.  
  
"Let him go, now," Dark said, a knife in his hand.  
  
With was wriggling in Heero's grip, squeaking frantically to be let go. Finally he got an idea. With turned into Dark and elbowed Heero to let go. Talon cheered With on, while Teeth fumed about 'that little fur ball is hurting my boyfriend.'  
  
Heero grunted and let go, and With/Dark ran over to Dark, who pushed With (now himself again) behind him and advanced on Heero. Heero reached for a gun, only to find that they weren't there. He hadn't put them on this morning.  
  
Teeth ran out from behind the couch and leaped on Dark just as he reached Heero. Talon yelled and jumped onto Teeth. There was a tangle of limbs for a moment, then the girls both had a firm hold on their own boyfriend.  
  
"Everything is all right now that With is free, so let's just calm down. Forgive and forget, you know," Talon said, hoping that the glares between Teeth and Dark wouldn't come to blows. Teeth huffed, and sniffed, but led Heero to the couch and sat down.  
  
"I can't believe you would do something like that, Hee-man," came Teeth's voice from across the room.  
  
Before things could start up again, Talon dragged Dark into the bedroom as he started laughing.  
  
"Don't say anything to Heero," Talon admonished.  
  
"Why not? Hee-man called me Darkie." Dark was still laughing even as he argued.  
  
"But you deserved that," came Dai-chan's voice.  
  
"You can just keep quiet there, Niwa-kun."  
  
"Why, Darkie, you should be nice to me considering the secrets I could tell Heero when I get the chance."  
  
Dark fumed as he considered this, and decided to retreat into an injured silence. Meanwhile, Talon had said something.  
  
"Are you listening to me, Darkie?"  
  
"What? I--uh--I mean of course I am," he amended as Talon puffed up with rage.  
  
"What did I just say then?"  
  
"That...uh...well...that is to say..."  
  
"I knew it! What were you doing that's more important than talking to me?"  
  
"Daisuke was annoying me, and I can't shut out a voice in my own mind."  
  
"Oh," she deflated a little bit when he said this. She knew he heard Dai- chan's voice before any other. "Well, in that case, I'll repeat myself. I don't want you and Heero fighting."  
  
"Hee-man started it."  
  
"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!"  
  
"He took With."  
  
"With can take care of himself. He got out of that last problem without your help, didn't he?" At this moment With entered the room and jumped into Talon's lap, crooning. She scratched him on the head and smiled. When Talon next looked up she was sitting next to Dai-chan.  
  
"Dai-chan! Well, that'll solve the problem with Heero and Dark for the moment."  
  
Dai scowled right then, but he was cross-eyed at the moment, and she knew it was aimed at Dark. Talon didn't want to hear what was being said.  
  
Teeth charged into the room right then. "You echi no baka!" Suddenly she noticed that it was Daisuke and Talon on the bed. "Uhhhh...."  
  
"What does that mean?" Dai had gotten up, and was glowering at Teeth, who cowered away from the 14yr old boy.  
  
"Uh... nothing..."  
  
"I think she was talking about me, Dai."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Dai-chan abruptly became Dark, and the taller thief fastened his amethyst eyes on his accuser. "Now, explain what you mean by calling me a perverted idiot."  
  
"Heero said you were."  
  
"What did Hee-man say about me?"  
  
Teeth turned red with rage at the sound of her name for Heero. "He said you have porn under your mattress," she hissed.  
  
Talon walked forward, and joined her friend's side. "Is this true Darkie?"  
  
"..."  
  
"You'd better tell her, Dark. She'll look anyway, you know she will, and if you don't tell her it'll only make things worse."  
  
"Can't you do something? Stave her off? Offer an alibi?"  
  
Dai snorted mentally. "Yeah, right. Like I can stop Talon. That would be like you trying to convince Krad not to want to kill you."  
  
"But... oh."  
  
Dark fidgeted for a while longer, trying to figure out how to say it. Talon started forward, and he flinched. "Yes, all right! I do! So shoot me, I'm only human!"  
  
Talon snarled. "That can be arranged." But before anyone else could move, Dark leaped onto Teeth, trying to exact his revenge. Talon tackled Dark, knocking all three of them to the floor, and causing such a ruckus that Heero came from the living room, and also launched himself onto Dark. Yet another tangle of limbs ensued from this, and it was resolved several minutes, a few torn clothes, and a knocked over table later. The scene was now thus: Teeth was panting while sitting on the floor, the sleeve on her right arm was torn, Dark was struggling madly to be released from Heero and Talon, who each had hold of one of his arms, and a lamp was broken.  
  
Dark was putting up a hell of a fight, and was gradually inching his way closer to Teeth. Heero glanced at Talon, who nodded. She stomped on Dark's foot with her boots, and he crumpled. Then Heero seized one of his guns, and hit the thief on the head with the handle. Dark went cross-eyed for a moment, then shook his head. "Ugh..." He looked around, with Heero standing right behind him, ready to knock him out should he make a move against Teeth, then he slowly got up. Rubbing the back of his head, he bowed awkwardly to Teeth. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled.  
  
"It's not nice to lie you know..."  
  
"It is when it equals a long life."  
  
"... You've got a point there..."  
  
Teeth nodded, and stood herself. Before she moved away, she smacked him the back of his head.  
  
"Owwwww.... What was that for?! I apologized didn't I?!"  
  
"That was for being a pervert, and that" here she smacked him again "is for trying to kill me."  
  
Dark only rubbed his head, realizing any further comment on his behalf would not end in him only being restrained. 


	2. Chapter 2: Museum and Karaoke Bar

Again with the Disclaimer? Didn't I already do this part? Ah, well. I'll say it again. I don't own Dark, Heero, Daisuke, Satoshi, or any other character in this, except for Talon. Teeth belongs to Ainohikari. Those are private property, so LAY OFF!!!  
  
Talon: Bonjour! Sorry, had to say that, I'm taking French as a foreign language, and I've got it on the brain.  
  
Teeth: *ignoring her very insane friend* Hi all! Welcome to Chapter 2 of Dark and Heero for the Insane! I'm trying to control Talon's insane urges, and it seems to be working, because she puts it all in this instead of using it to baffle all her friends.  
  
Talon: But baffling you all is fun! ^_^  
  
Teeth: -.- *nudges Talon* Aren't you forgetting something?  
  
Talon: *blinks* Like what?  
  
Teeth: *cough*TheShadowHawk*cough*TheLadyofLight*cough*  
  
Talon: *hands her a handkerchief* You've got to watch that cold of yours. I think it's getting worse.  
  
Teeth: *glomps Talon* What about thanking The Shadow Hawk and The Lady of Light?  
  
Talon: Oooooh! *struggles out of her friend's grasp* Why didn't you say so? *ignores Teeth's glare* Thank you Shadow Hawk and Lady of Light for being my unofficial and unintended muses! I don't grovel... I present many and lavish gifts! *grin* Just so you readers out there know, I got tons of what I write from those two, and theirs is like 3 times better than mine, so go read their stuff! *growls* Go now! And no excuses! If you can't find them they're both on my fav authors list, so that takes care of one way you can back out. And despite what Teeth may think my insanity goes far beyond these pages! *notices Teeth's glare and begins to run away* Enjoy the story! *a long pursuit begins, involving Talon borrowing With's wings, and Teeth borrowing Heero's guns*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 2: The Museum and the Karaoke Bar  
  
"That's inhumane!"  
  
"Dark, for the last time, burn your magazines or we'll give them to Heero," Talon said, holding out the matches in one hand, and Dark's porn magazines in the other.  
  
The thief shot a look at Heero, who was looking very smug. "Gee, I wonder why," came Daisuke's sarcastic voice. Dark ignored the younger boy, and snatched the things from Talon. Whimpering, he went over to the fireplace.  
  
"Don't forget this, Fly Boy." Heero tossed a bottle of alcohol at Dark, who ducked just in time to avoid being hit in the head with it. The bottle bounced off the fireplace, and landed in Dark's lap.  
  
"Thank you so much." The sarcasm dripping off that comment would've worked better than alcohol, but sarcasm, unfortunately, isn't flammable.  
  
Reluctantly, Dark placed his porn in the fireplace, and poured alcohol on it (not much, it is porn, and he is a guy). Then, he squeezed his eyes shut, and threw a match onto his precious magazines.  
  
As he heard them catch fire he started to wail, but Talon seized him and dragged him away. "All right, you've served your sentence."  
  
The thief folded his arms as he was dragged, still sitting, into the bedroom, and glared at Heero. "I'll get you for this, Hee-man..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dark crouched behind a bush with With right next to him. "All right, here's the plan. You, changed into me, go first, but make certain you're seen. While they're chasing you, I'll go get the statue, then meet me back here after you lose the guards. Got it?" The fur ball nodded assent, and promptly became a copy of Dark. Dark/With crept away, and the real Dark waited to hear the alarm.  
  
Suddenly, a hand landed on Dark's shoulder, and he spun, knife in hand, to face his attacker. Next second, he was blaring and lowered the knife, but didn't put it away. "Hee-man."  
  
Heero stopped laughing silently at Dark, and brought out the Stare of Death. "I was just wondering what you were doing hiding in a bush at midnight outside a museum, Darkie," he returned acidly.  
  
The thief sighed and shook his head. "Heero, Heero, Heero. I've already had all the paid vacation I'm going to get from my job this year. My boss'll be real mad if I don't get back to work."  
  
"And who's your boss?"  
  
"Why, myself, of course," he said matter-of-factly. "Income for a thief on vacation isn't so good you know. Not to mention how angry Talon'll be if I don't get her that dress she's been wanting."  
  
Heero nodded, sympathy twisting his face. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Teeth has been bugging me to get a job with more regular hours than an assassin. It's worse than ever now because everybody worth killing seems to be dead already." He paused a moment, thinking. "Except you, but I don't want to be subjected to Talon's wrath." He shuttered.  
  
Dark laughed, and patted his shoulder sympathetically. "How about a job where you make your own salary and hours?" Heero looked at him suspiciously. "Thieving."  
  
Heero snorted. "If I even considered it, I'd be better than you."  
  
"I very much doubt that, my misguided friend."  
  
"Oh, yeah? How about a contest? First to get the statue is the better thief."  
  
"But that takes the fun out of everything. Stealing is an art, and rushed stealing just sucks. Not to mention that the chase has to be cut short. That's my favorite part."  
  
At that moment shouts were heard, and Dark silenced Heero. "That's With. He's distracting the guards," Dark whispered. He crept around the bush and watched as all the guards ran off after a shadow. Dark motioned for Heero to follow, then silently ran to the open museum door.  
  
The two entered the building, and cautiously went down the halls.  
  
Peeking around a corner, Dark noticed the notorious Hiwatari Satoshi, junior high police detective in charge of Dark's capture. "Stay here, and wait for my signal," he whispered to Heero. "We've got to get rid of this guy." Dark stepped around the corner and Satoshi blinked.  
  
The thief swaggered forward, looking as if he owned the museum and everything in it. "Satoshi! My, it's been so long! I'll bet you were worried that you'd never get to chase me again, huh?" His voice lowered, became more intimate. "Or, were you more worried that you'd never see Daisuke again?" Satoshi blushed, and Dark laughed, mocking his discomfort.  
  
Satoshi pulled his hand out of his pocket and casually presented the handcuffs. Dark shrugged, still grinning. "Now, now Satoshi. Don't you know that you'll never catch me? Especially not today."  
  
"And why not today?" asked Satoshi in his usual calm, unruffled voice. He didn't seem bothered at all by Dark's confidence. He was used to it.  
  
"Because of him" Dark jerked his thumb other his shoulder and Heero stepped out, pistol in hand.  
  
"Don't let him kill anyone!" Daisuke's frantic should rang through Dark's head.  
  
"Crap!" muttered Dark, and he went over to Heero's side and whispered to him. "You're not supposed to kill him, just keep him focused forward, and I'll knock him out."  
  
"But I want to kill him. It's been so long since I killed..." Heero slowly pointed the gun at the stunned (for once) detective.  
  
"No." Dark put his hand on the weapon and lowered it.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No killing! Now, gimme that gun!" They grappled for a moment, and Dark emerged from the scuffle with the gun in manacled hands. "Huh?" He blinked at the handcuffs, then looked up to see Satoshi fighting Heero. Dark blinked a couple more times, then came up behind the detective and hit him over the head with the gun.  
  
Heero lowered his fists, and they both blinked at the unconscious boy, then at Dark's manacles. "Nice distraction," Dark mumbled.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Shall we go?" Dark bowed and indicated the room with the statue in it.  
  
"What about your handcuffs?"  
  
"Oh, these?" Dark looked at them as if he'd forgotten they were there. "I've had worse." He shrugged.  
  
Heero nodded, understanding. "As have I."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dark and Heero sat in the living room, playing a fighting game on the Play Station 2, trying to determine who was better at it. Meanwhile, the girls spoke in the bedroom.  
  
Teeth sighed. "How long will they keep up this insane contest? It's always a draw, no matter what they do."  
  
"Eventually they'll decide that it's a tie, and wait another week before challenging each other again. It's hopeless."  
  
"Anyway, back to out conversation. How to get Heero to act romantic."  
  
Talon thought for a moment. "Maybe if you sing to him?"  
  
Teeth made a face. "Spontaneous singing? That's not romantic, that's stupid."  
  
"Fine, fine. So shoot me, it was just an idea."  
  
"Maybe, if I wasn't the only one singing..." She looked at Talon expectantly.  
  
"What?! I don't want to sing!"  
  
"It was your idea."  
  
Talon was desperate now. "Why don't we go to a place where lots of people go to sing?"  
  
"Like where? A karaoke bar?"  
  
Talon just looked at her.  
  
"Nani?! You're serious?!"  
  
"It'll work, I know it will."  
  
So, how do we get Hee-man to go?"  
  
"DARK!! COME HERE!!" There was a minor crash from the other room, followed by a very loud curse. It seemed Dark had jumped, casing the PS2 to fall.  
  
The thief limped into the room, no doubt from Heero having kicked him for knocking over the PS2, and glared at them. "Yes?"  
  
Talon walked up to him, all sweet smiles, and gently took his arm. "Darkie."  
  
"You want something. What?"  
  
"We need to ask you a favor."  
  
"Why should I perform this favor?"  
  
"Because it involves humiliating Heero."  
  
Suddenly, he was alert, and intent. "I'm all ears."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero had fallen asleep on the couch, for lack of things to do, by the time the three conspirators poked their heads out of the bedroom that evening. Dark was smiling maliciously, and had an odd gleam in his eyes. The two girls looked as if they were steeling themselves for bloodshed.  
  
All three crept forward, and positioned themselves around the sleeping assassin. Suddenly, they grabbed him, Talon and Teeth each took an arm, while Dark grabbed his legs.  
  
There was a violent struggle, but eventually they got Heero into the back seat in between Talon and Dark. There were loud protests from Heero all the way there, even though he had no idea where they were going.  
  
Teeth turned into the parking lot, and Heero's eyes went immediately to the large neon sign, which read 'Good Times Karaoke Bar.' He snorted. "Wrong name. It should be called 'Baka Bar.'" The other three snickered. Even Talon knew enough Japanese to know the word for idiot.  
  
Heero was now too depressed by the sight of the sign to put up much of a fight, but he still managed to put a dent in the metal door as they went inside.  
  
Teeth immediately disappeared, and Talon and Dark kept a close eye on Heero to make sure that he didn't decide to examine the damage to the door. Scowling, Heero sat at the bar and ordered a strong shot.  
  
The lights went out a moment later, and he turned to the dark stage. A spotlight lit up the lone singer, and he nearly dropped the glass. Teeth stood up there, strawberry-blond hair pulled back into a permed ponytail, with a couple curls left out to frame her face. She wore a tight black dress that nearly reached the floor, but had two slits up the side that ended 4 in from her butt, and the neckline was so low that she itched to pull it up. It was a halter top, backless, and made of velvet. Her 4 in heels were the same color. The little makeup she wore was so natural that Heero didn't even know it was there, and her jewelry consisted of a single necklace, a black cord with a silver sword dangling point down, with the tip hidden by the top of her dress, and ruby studs that shone like drops of blood in the spotlight.  
  
The music started, and she smiled, winking at Heero before she began to sing.  
  
"Babe, I'm leaving, I must be on my way The time is drawing near My train is going, I see it in your eyes The love, the need, your tears But I'll be lonely without you And I'll need your love to see me through Please believe me, my heart is in your hands And I'll be missing you."  
  
Heero watched her, enchanted by her voice. She started to walk off the stage to him with the microphone.  
  
"You know it's you babe Whenever I get weary and I've had enough Feel like giving up You know it's you babe Giving me the courage and the strength I need Please believe that it's true"  
  
She looked in his eyes.  
  
"Babe, I love you."  
  
He felt the love radiating off of her. He reveled in it.  
  
"You know it's you babe Whenever I get weary and I've had enough Feel like giving up You know it's you babe Giving me the courage and the strength I need Please believe that it's true Babe, I love you."  
  
She sat on his lap and sang quietly.  
  
"Babe, I'm leaving, I'll say it once again Somehow try to smile I know the feeling we're trying to forget If only for a while But I'll be lonely without you And I'll need your love to see me through Please believe me, my heart is in your hands And I'll be missing you Babe, I love you."  
  
She kissed him. Without a word, he scooped her up, and they retired to a corner for a Make Out Fest.  
  
Dark, after his initial look at the stage, had a bottle of vodka in his hand, and looked at anything but Teeth throughout her performance. Talon had a very satisfied expression on her face, and had watched Heero, seeing his reaction to her plan.  
  
However, when Dark next looked for her after Teeth left the stage, he couldn't find her anywhere. He was looking around, rather panicked, when the next song began. A little despondent, he took a drink and looked up at the stage, curious as to who it was.  
  
Seeing none other than Talon, he spat out his mouthful of vodka, and ignored the curses of the slightly damp people in front of him. She was turned away, back to the crowd, head down, her undisciplined curls falling forward to cover her face. This dress, too, was backless, with strings laced across her back, holding the strapless dress to her. It was the color of blood, and clung to her in shimmering folds, seeming to flow and sparkles even as she stood still. It had a sloped hem; on the left side it ended 2 in from her butt, while on the other side it came to her knee. She wore narrow, 3 in crimson heels, the straps wrapped around her ankles.  
  
The music started, and she slowly rolled her head, letting the curls fall off her face and down her back, then spun, arms behind her head, to face the crowd. The front of her dress was unadorned, but by no means plain. It was low enough that it showed the top of her breasts, but not enough to be uncomfortable. The fabric clung to her, accenting her curves, and hinting at the body underneath. She wore red lipstick, but that was the only noticeable makeup on her. The earrings she had were like miniature claws, and her necklace was a black serpentine dragon in the shape of a teardrop. She lowered her arms, slowly running them seductively down her sides, as she started to sing.  
  
"I feel like I've been locked up tight For a century of lonely nights Waiting for someone to release me You're licking your lips And blowing kisses my way But that don't mean I'm gonna give it away Baby baby baby My body is saying let's go But my heart is saying no."  
  
Talon danced with seduction and mystery on stage, grinning to herself as she saw Dark's eyes nearly pop out of his head. He had slowly moved to a table near the front, and was squeezing the bottle of vodka so hard that she was surprised it didn't shatter. He never glanced around, but had he it would've made him extremely angry, for every guy in the room had the same lust in their eyes that Dark had in his. Heero had even turned around to look fleetingly at the stage from the corner that he and Teeth still occupied.  
  
"If you wanna be with me Baby there's a price to pay I'm a genie in a bottle You gotta rub me the right way If you wanna be with me I can make your wish come true You gotta make a big impression I gotta like what you do I'm a genie in a bottle baby You gotta rub me the right way honey I'm a genie in a bottle baby Come, come, come on and let me out"  
  
Dark had finally realized that Talon was on a stage, and that meant that other people could see her, too. This thought made him angry, and he was fingering one of his knives, as if itching to drive it through some of the eyes of the men that were looking at her. She continued to dance, trying to hide the fond smile that was threatening to creep onto her face.  
  
"I'm a genie in a bottle baby You gotta rub me the right way honey I'm a genie in a bottle baby Come, come, come on and let me out My body is saying let's go But my heart is saying no If you wanna be with me Baby there's a price to pay I'm a genie in a bottle You gotta rub me the right way If you wanna be with me I can make your wish come true You gotta make a big impression I gotta like what you do"  
  
Heero now had an angry look in eyes that was plainly visible due to all the looks that he gave the stage, and this disturbed both the girls. Teeth was seething with anger and looked ready to take one of Heero's guns and shoot her friend, but decided against it, because apparently her boyfriend didn't like the effect Talon was having on him, and that satisfied her... for the moment.  
  
"I'm a genie in a bottle baby You gotta rub me the right way honey I'm a genie in a bottle baby Come, come, come on and let me out If you wanna be with me Baby there's a price to pay I'm a genie in a bottle You gotta rub me the right way If you wanna be with me I can make your wish come true Just come and set me free baby And I'll be with you I'm a genie in a bottle baby Come, come, come on and let me out"  
  
The music ended, and Talon left the stage to the immense relief of a certain three people in the crowd, and the disappointment of the majority of everyone else(there are girls in a karaoke bar, and I don't think that they were affected by her song... ewwww... bad thoughts...). As she came from backstage she was met by a very angry Heero. Startled, she stopped, and he grabbed her by the arm. "We're leaving. Now." Confused, she didn't protest, and the assassin led her to the other two who were already outside, Teeth very upset, and Dark rather dazed. She took to the shelter of Dark's arms, and watched as Heero went back to the bar and fiddled with something near the door. A few moments later he walked back to them, and they waited silently for something to happen.  
  
Suddenly, a huge explosion replaced the karaoke bar, and a smile lit the faces of Teeth and Heero. "Actually, the name was appropriate. Good times..." Heero muttered as he turned away from the still burning building and they all made their way back to the car, ready to go back to the privacy of the apartment.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Talon: So, there ya have it. My insane mind is finally put onto paper so that the world may view it... Ain't it beautiful? *sobs*  
  
Teeth: *sigh* Well, I'm not sure what to say about this one, except that it was completely... uh... original. I don't think there's a better word for it except insane, but she already said that one... Anyway, please R&R so that we can tell if you like the insanity and twisted reasoning that we provide for your reading enjoyment.  
  
Talon: Oh, Lady of Light, was that enough originality for you? We hardly took anything from yours and Shadow Hawk's story at all this chapter! Now that the story's gotten started I think there'll be a lot less plagiarism... Oh, and please tell me what you think of the story this time. Your last review was only about me givin you recognition, and I have... so... yea... I guess that'll all for now... Can you think of anything? 


End file.
